How I work

“You only really have 3 options – you can leave a situation, you can change a situation or you can accept a situation.” Eckhart Tolle

In my one to one sessions I help people to help themselves. No matter how intelligent people are, emotionally or otherwise, it can sometimes be helpful to resolve situations or recurring patterns with someone who isn’t a friend or family. If you have twisted a muscle you may well go and see a physiotherapist and it is much the same as coming to see me about a resistant thought pattern. 

Solving problems the mindful way means finding the answers you already know but cant quite seem to access. Sometimes we know all the answers but cant quite seem to create the change we want. People often think they are looking for the solution when they are just powerfully focused on the problem. We are taught that if we fight the problem enough it will go away, and more often than not it  just keep us locked in the problem.

I use to consider myself pretty self aware but what I have learnt on this journey is that the mind can be very cunning. A large part of the job of the mind is to protect us from perceived danger, so it can very cleverly keep us stuck or chasing our own tail. It takes someone ‘on the outside of your mind’ to point out some of the techniques it’s using.

Whilst my background is in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy I work more as a personal coach and counsellor now.  Unlike Psychodynamic Psychotherapy I do share some of my history and experiences with my clients if I think it may be helpful for them. I also think our past can be relevant but I do think its perfectly possible to problem solve without spending too much time in the past. I have even had clients who don’t really go into details but with  the practical techniques and tools we use we still make excellent progress.

For me it is so satisfying and exciting to work with people to help them find solutions, and every time it surprises and delights me to watch the solutions unfold. Of course every person is completely unique but the principles and dynamics that create clarity and change are always the same.

I am fascinated by dynamics, what dynamics are at play and what patterns of thought we are practicing. We can get so practiced in patterns of thought that it may be difficult to see things from a different perspective on our own.

Whether people only come to see me once or twice or on a regular basis they are usually  surprised as to what the solution  is. More often than not the changes we need to make are easier than we think once we know the dynamics that are at play.

My strongest intention is to help people help themselves in as painless a way as possible. I do not believe in the saying “no pain, no gain”. I know that lasting positive change can be made without forcing change.

For people who have never been for Counselling or Coaching before and I not sure what to expect – it is quite simply sitting on a chair in a private room with me opposite you discussing whatever it is you are wanting clarity with. You are the client and therefore in charge and we never have to discuss anything that you feel uncomfortable about.

In the first session we find out if we are a good match and whether you would like to return for a further session or whether you gained the answer you needed in the session.

Please give me a call if you want to have a chat or make a booking.  078541 38080

I had been in therapy for years and eventually gave up because we just seemed to go round in circles. In just 3 sessions with Shirley I had already gained wonderful clarity.” Jason D