Carl Jung’s quote succinctly explains what the opposite of acceptance is. We seem to think that if something doesn’t work we must repeat the same behaviour more forcefully. Sadly when we push up against something
we ofttimes just keep it firmly in place. People fight something they don’twant, they argue with something that they think is wrong. We fight violence and wars and drugs, and they have never been greater. Mother Theresa said she would never go on an anti war rally – she would only ever go on a peace rally. It is a subtle but powerful difference. We insists we will never “give in” and there is a perception of failure to “giving up”, but I am not advocating a hopeless acquiescence or a compliance to defeat. I am advocating a clear alert realisation of “what is”. We argue and resist what is, from an irritating noise to the way other people live their lives.
When we are unable to change something in our lives, it may be time to find a different perspective. If you have been overweight for 20 years and are getting increasingly more over weight it might be time to change perspective and learn how to make peace with where you are.
Clearly the resisting “what is” and fighting “what is” hasn’t been working. People sometimes get very angry when I suggest it may be time to start to try to make peace with where they are. They may feel that I am saying “oh just give up you’ll always be fat”. I am certainly not saying that, I am saying “let’s come at it from another angle. Let’s try another tack that isn’t full of resistance and a sense of failure. Let’s try focusing elsewhere.”
People also resist much of who their partner/spouse is. “If he/she would just change and do things my way I could be happy.” Jung also said “what irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
Eckhart Tolle so perfectly explains that we really only have 3 sane options with every situation – we can leave it, change it or accept it. What most of us do is stay in the situation desperately trying to change it or them. Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results. Resisting things the way they are.
If we can try to make peace with where we are we have a better chance of finding clarity. You may not lose the weight and your partner may not change but you’ll sure find life a bit easier. it’s really hard work always fighting WHAT IS. Compassion and acceptance are so much easier once you get the hang of it.